Today’s post is inspired by a conversation I had with my dear dear husband this morning. I’m writing this not to bash him but maybe to encourage some clueless husband somewhere who might read this someday because apparently it will never get through to my husband.
This morning he asked me if I wanted to do anything special for Mother’s Day. I inwardly rolled my eyes & asked him what he wanted to do for Father’s Day. I mean my point is that I want him to THINK. That is what would make an absolute special day for me. I don’t want any special meal. I don’t want to be taken out for any special meal. I don’t want jewelry or gifts. I don’t want him to clean the house (which btw is not sexy to me despite those little cartoon things floating around FB). I don’t want to be left in silence for the day. I don’t want a special trip or getaway planned. I don’t want a card or flowers. None of that means anything. Especially if it’s because I told him this is what I wanted. Now if he does any of that ON HIS OWN you better believe it will the best thing he could give me & I will show the most amount of gratitude because he THOUGHT of me all on his own. He had to think about what would make this a special day. What can I do to thank her for all she does as a mother for my child.
My first Mother’s Day was probably the most hurtful Mother’s Day. Why? Because it was any other day. Now if you have read my previous posts you will remember that I never thought I would be a mom. So I was excited for my FIRST Mother’s Day. He was detached throughout my entire pregnancy & even after. (PTSD post later). But I for some dumb reason thought this he’ll do for me because we have always been about celebrating firsts.
I’ve been married a time or two or three (oops) and I’m 6 years older than him & way more adventurous than he is so I’ve had plenty of firsts before him. From the beginning of our relationship if something was a first we would celebrate it. Naturally I thought this would be one of those occasions. I mean I already had an idea of what I wanted to do for his first Father’s Day, which I did do. Approaching dinner time when he was still sitting on his chair, where he’d been all day, he noticed I was sad & got it out of me. He then scrambled to do something. He roughly asked me what I wanted him to make me for dinner. (not good). I said “fuckin figure it out geez!) He googled something and sped off to the grocery store & we had a late dinner with both of us in a bad mood. Yay Mother’s Day …
Ok, I’ll stop bashing cause I didn’t set out to do that. But maybe a mom can commiserate with me having read all that bitchiness up there 😉
Look here’s how I see it. As women, especially stay at home moms, we only ask for 2 days. Mother’s Day & our birthdays. Or me anyway. The other 363 days of the year are us catering to our husband’s & kid’s every need & desire. I understand men don’t think the same as women. But some people like to use that as an excuse to be lazy about loving their wives/baby mamas. I mean let’s think about this, if women don’t think like men than why can so many of us change our own tires or change our oil or fix things when they break. I mean isn’t that all a “man’s thing”. If men aren’t made to think like women than why are there so many single father’s doing a better job of raising their kids than the mom was? See, just an excuse.
Oh one more point I want to make. I understand that a lot of men think that it’s not their responsibility to do anything for Mother’s Day for their wives/partners etc. because they aren’t their moms. Well ok yes this is true. However if the kids are small, it’s on you my friend. Also why not show your kids how to appreciate their mom? I mean if you never do anything for her than your kids won’t know that their supposed to. Get me?
Ok so lets wrap this up. Here’s what we need for Mother’s Day. To be thought of & shown that you took some of your precious man time to think about what can I do to show my wife/partner/baby mama etc. how much she means to me & our kids.
Ok for her sake, let me get you pointed in a direction:
A card. It can be a store-bought card but it will mean more if its made by the kids. When my son was 3 months old I made my husband a Father’s Day card. I put fingerpaint all over my son’s little chubby hands and let him go at it on this big card & then I “signed” it with his handprints. Every year I’ve helped my son make his dad a card. Some day it will be legible & not consist of swirly lines & dinosaur stickers but I think its more precious now.
Plan dinner. This means don’t ask her what she wants or where she wants to go. Save that for a Friday night treat. If you have a child with her, you know her well enough to know what she does & doesn’t like. This is my husband’s argument a lot. Hello 14 years together! Just saying… Oh and unless you make a killer BBQ it doesn’t count. Sorry.
Flowers. Not the cliché ones that you are seeing advertised everywhere. Think about what her favorite flower is. Which one does she go all squeaky high voiced when she see it? Get her some of those. Side note. Make sure she’s not allergic to them. I love love lily’s but if there is even 1 in this house I will sneeze my brain out of my face.
A pampering session. Depending on your budget this can be a pedicure which she hasn’t had time for in months or a massage from Massage Envy. Those are both inexpensive. If you have a bigger budget check out a higher end spa. Spend a few hundred bucks for an all day pampering session. Ooh another side note, don’t give her a gift certificate/card for it. She’ll never use it. Schedule it, drive her, pick her up. Oh if you are now thinking “hey I’ll make her one of those cute little coupon things for a massage from me”. Nope, don’t do it. You and I and her know that that massage is going to make you want sex 2 minutes into it and that is not a Mother’s Day gift.
Ok those are a few ideas to get you going but there are a lot more; picnic, hiking, scenic drive, day at the beach, amusement park, you get where I’m going.
One last note. I know it SEEMS like a good idea but unless you are going to clean it all up before she sees it, breakfast in bed is not a winner. Sleeping in also not going to work. My husband plans to let me sleep in sometimes but my son always comes to me because daddy isn’t paying attention fast enough. And that also goes with the idea of “I’ll be in complete charge of the kids all day”. Again not going to work. Good intention but the kids will end up back at mom if she is in the vicinity. You know it, I know it.
Here’s my last thing … Good luck!